i can feel your presense

otep56 @ 2004-04-10T00:38:00

2004-04-10T04:28:04Z

i have a new livejournal name...

otep56 @ 2004-04-09T16:58:00

2004-04-09T20:48:01Z

[Verse 1:]
I thought it was too good to be true
I found somebody who understands me
someone who would help me to get through
and fill an emptiness i had inside me
but you kept inside and I just denied
some things that we should have both said
I knew it was too good to be true
cause i'm the only one who understands me

[Chorus:]
what happened to us
we used to be so perfect, now were lost and lonely
what happened to us
I know deep inside I worry did i lose my only?

[Verse 2:]
remember they thought we were too young
to really know what it takes to make it
but we had survived off what we have done
and we could show them all that they're mistaken
who could have known the lies that would grow
until we could see right through them
remember they knew it we were too young
we still don't know what it takes to make it

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
We could have made it work, we could have found a way,
should have done our best to see another day
but we kept it all inside until it was too late
and now we're both alone, the consequence we pay
for throwing it all away, for throwing it all away...

[Chorus]

otep56 @ 2004-04-09T12:59:00

2004-04-09T16:49:12Z

people are fucking stupid. if you made up that bullshit... and you know what i'm talking about... then fuck you. nothing pisses me off more then when people make up shit just to fuck up other people's lives. you're stupid. good friends my ass.

otep56 @ 2004-04-08T20:56:00

2004-04-09T00:48:04Z

i don't know what the fuck to do anymore. i try everything to make people happy, nothing is ever good enough, and i'm running out of ideas. i just don't fucking know anymore. everytime i try to say something it comes out wrong and i just get "slapped in the face" for it. it's not like i purposely try to make something else out of it... i just don't understand. i'm under so much stress with me moving, ricky leaving for 6 months, and all this shit with my friends. i don't think people care, either. oh well, forget it. since when did shit that i do matter anyway?

otep56 @ 2004-04-07T23:28:00

2004-04-08T03:19:19Z

suprise.. suprise. today was definately not a good day. the only good thing about it was i finally saw gothika.. and it kicked ass. it could possibly become one of my favorite movies. me and ricky got into it. bleh.. i suck. i don't have anything else to write.

otep56 @ 2004-04-06T22:52:00

2004-04-07T02:43:01Z

today was not too good of a day. ricky's going to arizona earlier then he thought and is going to be there 6+ months.. bleh. oh well... we've been through everything else... maybe it won't be as hard as i think. um. nothing really happened today. it was my mom's birthday and she got really pretty flowers. i'm such a boring person. god.

otep56 @ 2004-04-06T00:31:00

2004-04-06T04:22:45Z

today was a tiring day. my mom woke me up at 9 and started whining about how i didn't have homebound send me the papers to withdraw but i wasn't going to class. so i called homebound and we went to deltona high and dropped off my books. i hope that i don't start my classes for my ged until may because i want to go see ricky in georgia before he leaves for arizona or wherever he ends up going. well i guess i'm going to go to bed... i'm exhausted.

otep56 @ 2004-04-03T13:45:00

2004-04-03T18:35:48Z

well i'm sick and i just woke up. nothing happened yesterday. i'm tired as hell though. got some pretty bad news yesterday, but oh well. i don't have anything to write about.. so. yeah.

ricky...

2004-04-01T07:31:05Z

i'm making an entry about ricky because he wanted me to. so yeah... here goes. =)

i love you ricky. everything about you. i know it's hard putting up with my shit sometimes.. but you do. it means a lot to me. i really hope i can go with you to virginia because i can't stand having to go without you again. i know i always just go "oh, okay" when you tell me you have to leave or some shit... but i do care... i just say that because i know it's your job and there's nothing either of us can do about it. i want to be there for you for the rest of our lives. i want us to make our decisions together. you keep saying i don't know what i want in my life yet... but after 3 years i have no doubt in my mind what i want is you. we've been through everything together. they say that when you find who you want to spend your life with.. there will be no explanation as to why.. you just know. that's how i feel. i can see us growing old together (you stealing my pudding... hitting me in the shins with your cane... stealing my wig). well anyway... i love you.. and i'm glad that we're finally being open with each other. okay.. i'm going to stop embarassing you now.. haha. <3

i also know this wasn't what you expected. TOO BAD. =p

you guys want to know what's going on in my head?

2004-03-27T03:39:15Z

since so many of you people have been bitching about my mood swings and how i never have a reason to go off on you.. i decided to make a nice long ass post about it.

at this point i do not give a shit what any of you have to say about the way i am acting or what i am doing. NONE OF YOU. do you understand that? that does not exclude anyone. so when i tell you i don't care about your opinion DO NOT BE SUPRISED.

i am so sick of you people thinking that you can just walk all over me. i know why you think it too, because i let your punk asses get away with it. NOT ANYMORE. i am done making you people happy when it makes me miserable. if you don't like it, fuck you.

i have stood by your sides through thick and thin. supported every little thing you've ever done or COVERED UP YOUR MISTAKES *cough* because i felt that is what a friend should do. for the guys who this is directed towards don't expect it anymore. if i EVER speak to one of your girlfriends i will not hesitate to mention the games you play. don't think for a second i'm fucking around with you either.

jackie - i'm sick of your shit. PERIOD. you expect me to just jump up and do whatever you wish anytime you want me to. stop being selfish. you need to grow up. i'm your friend, not your doormat. i don't even want to be that anymore. infact, i don't owe you a fucking explanation. have a nice life.

eric - you pull the same shit i do all the time.. and yet when i do it, it's a huge deal. NO LONGER. you treat me like that.. i'll treat you like that.

there is so much more shit that i could just sit here typing about, but am not going to. i know you guys are not my friends.. and i know that you will just go tell someone about my personal life.

btw jackie and eric... this was not directed just towards you... the rest of the people will know who they are.

fuck i can't wait to move.

otep56 @ 2004-03-18T07:04:00

2004-03-18T12:01:44Z

i just found out that i don't have to go back to school... ahhhh... relief. my plan is to get my ged and then i'm going to get a job this summer when i get my car and take a year off to really think about what i want to do and to save up some money. then when i'm 18 i'm going to move out and go to a community college wherever i want to. wonderful. simply wonderful.

otep56 @ 2004-03-16T20:36:00

2004-03-17T02:35:53Z

i spent two whole days with OLD PEOPLE that i haven't seen in 8 years. it was worth it though because i got to go see ricky again. he tried to kill me on the four wheeler and i want to steal his dog. right now i'm at my aunt's, which is cool. i'm going back home tomorrow though. so yeah. i may go bowling this weekend with jackie and shelby and whoever else goes. that's it.

otep56 @ 2004-03-09T22:18:00

2004-03-10T03:14:15Z

i'm in a bad mood again.. and i don't know why. oh well.

otep56 @ 2004-03-09T00:40:00

2004-03-09T05:37:51Z

today.. was a confusing day. a lot of shit happened. for one, i went to deltona library and finished my final fcat (science). then i went to the store and bought a swim suit which isn't too bad. i came home, washed the car, got in the pool, then came upstairs and got online. i actually got some sun. um.. then i found out jackie moved out of dale's and into corey's house. big conflict. i talked to ricky for a little bit.. not to much. now i'm sitting here talking to sam and nims. woo.

otep56 @ 2004-03-07T00:03:00

2004-03-07T05:01:31Z

i was looking through my old site file manager and came across some really old pics from November 04, 2002. i decided to post them for everyone's amusement...

don't know what the fuck i was thinking there...

i love this picture. i saw it outside my window and had to take one.

otep56 @ 2004-03-05T23:06:00

2004-03-06T04:02:15Z

i swear. i don't understand anyone.

otep56 @ 2004-03-05T16:57:00

2004-03-05T21:53:23Z

i'm in a bad mood. so bad. i feel sick because of my nerves and stress. it's annoying. ugh.

otep56 @ 2004-03-03T18:51:00

2004-03-03T23:46:43Z

facebattle.com is having a contest. the prize is $250.00 for the person who gets the most people to sign up. you should go sign up and when they ask for the invite code put vixen. or just sign up. link

otep56 @ 2004-02-29T12:16:00

2004-02-29T17:12:06Z

i just realized how stupid taking these quizzes are.

otep56 @ 2004-02-29T00:28:00

2004-02-29T05:24:40Z

gr. sioahgiahsgasguiohaosigjiaosvnjioahsvuo ghauiosdghiqoetu ioqwet89hy iodgho asbgjiag uisgtausgopiahsgjuab usgaosjg ioasguiogaopsgjlk ansvkhasuiovho[asjgkans lgjkabhsuiogh paiosjgpio ahsgiohasu ghapsh gopashgjk hasogha[osjg loasgu a[sgahuoahsg[jasjkgn auosghpasogjauis gh80as7gyu80aj tiqhy3t 0nqywtgoiahsgklah sg9a0u g9pahg98 asg90asuiogh ioas gu890a sg90 asjghasgy90 awt.

otep56 @ 2004-02-28T22:04:00

2004-02-29T03:00:58Z

i got bored...

*whistles*

crazy eyes...

playing in my chair

to my lovely fans.

otep56 @ 2004-02-27T23:06:00

2004-02-28T04:19:43Z

i took this from

nims

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
01 - death

02 - being hurt

03 - going back to how my life use to be
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND
01 - love

02 - ricky

03 - religion
THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN
01 - dutch
02 - why people lie
03 - something else.. not sure.

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
01 - get married and have children
02 - tell everyone exactly what i think of them
03 - live my life
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
01 - open minded

02 - intelligent
03 - honest
THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
01 - bitchy
02 - stubborn
03 - easily annoyed

THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
01 - my body in general

02 - my face in general

03 - fuck it all.

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU
01 - i'm easily hurt
02 - i sometimes care a lot more than i let on
03 - i also don't care a lot more than i let you know
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
01 - i hate love

02 - i'm bored
03 - corndog
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO
01 - paris. so bad. agh.
02 - amazon rainforest
03 - africa/australia either one
THREE NAMES THAT YOU GO BY
01 - vixen
02 - bitch

03 - "slut"

>[name] Amber

>[home] Orlando, Florida

>[birthday] October 13, 1987
>[grade] 10

>[class of] 2006

>[sign] Libra
>[eye color] green/brown depending on my mood
>[hair] auburn
>[b/f or g/f] yes
>[pets] yes

>-Absolute Favorites-
>[band] Staind, JOJ, my ruin, the distillers, otep, spm, eamon, and too many more.
>[music] anything besides country.
>[cereal] frosted flakes
>[skittle flavor] ORRRRRANGE for life *represent*
>[kind of cookie] i hate cookies
>[day] friday
>[month] december
>[season] winter
>[shoes] my black vans
>[restaurant] mickey finns... memories *ladeda*
>[cars] i don't know
>[star wars character] fuck star wars
>[family guy character] the stewy. lord. i love that baby.
>[person to talk to online] ricky
>-this or that-
>[boxers or briefs?] Boxers
>[plaid or striped?] striped

>[urban legend or the faculty?] urban legend
>[star trek or star wars?] fuck them both

>[alt or rap?] rap
>[ska or punk?] punk, ska sucks.

>[classical or country?] classical

>[salt or pepper?] Salt..
>[coke or pepsi?] coke all the way
>[dr. pepper or mr. pibb?] mr. pibb
>[sprite, slice, or 7-up?] sprite
>[skittles-original, tropical, or wildberry?] original
>[m &m's-regular, peanut, peanut-butter, or almond regular] peanut butter
>[hershey's-hugs or kisses] kisses
>[jolly ranchers or jolly rancher bubble gum?] jolly rancher *mm*
>[v-8 or hi-C?] hi-c. v-8 = shit
>[ken or barbie?] i'd burn them both at the stake
>[bleh or blah?] bleh
>[okay, ok, or o.k.?] okay
>[mono or stereo?] stereo
>[shake or stir?] shake
>[pens, crayons, pastels, or colored pencils?] crayons. they're the yummiest.
>[bright colors or dark colors] dark colors
>[snap, crackle, or pop?] pop
>[glass: half-empty or half-full?] half empty
>[adidas, nike, fila, or Reebok] fila
>[sunshine or rain?] rain
>[sun or moon?] moon
>[wild or mild?] wild
>[bsb or nsync?] you'll die for asking that.
>-short answer-
>[left handed or right handed?] right handed
>[are you smart?] i'd like to think so
>[what's your middle name?] elisa
>[are you superstitious?] no
>[do you believe in that stuff?] i believe that i'm an idiot for filling this out
>[can you do a cartwheel?] yes
>[can you drive?] yes
>[what do you drive?] depends on who i'm with
>[do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge?] lick :]
>[what languages do you know well?] english, but i seem to speak bitch better
>[what's the best awards show?] the one where i win and everyone else dies
>[do you like cotton candy?] yes
>[how many pillows do you have?] none. i'm wild.
>[how many cds do you have?] haha@cd's. didn't know they still sold those.

>[how many times have you moved houses?] 6?
>[is your room messy?] sometimes

>[do you like to fingerpaint?] i did when i was 5
>[do you sleep with a stuffed animal] yes *sighs*
>[do you sleep with socks on?] yes. that way i don't have to change them in the morning. ha.
>[are you ticklish?] only one person knows my ticklish spot (and no not there you perverted fucks)
>[did you go to preschool?] no
>-hard questions-
>[would you rather be tall or short?] short
>[would you rather burn to death or freeze to death?] freeze
>[do you think guys or girls have it easier?] um. guys.
>[would you eat a bowl of live crickets for $40,000?] haha. bring on the crickets. i'll eat them legs first.
>[if you had a band what would you name it?] We All Die

>[where do you want to live?] anywhere with. yeah.

otep56 @ 2004-02-27T14:15:00

2004-02-27T19:10:56Z

i'm actually smiling. ha.

nathan makes me want to do it.

otep56 @ 2004-02-27T00:36:00

2004-02-27T05:33:12Z

i don't have anything to write about and it sucks. i just spent 6 and a half hours working on homework... ahh... my brain is dead now. this weekend jackie is coming over. like every other weekend. never gets old though. blah. i'm not in a good mood.

otep56 @ 2004-02-25T13:45:00

2004-02-25T18:41:08Z

wow. i just talked to dustin. that's my ex boyfriend from like... ummm... 3 years ago or something. we didn't talk for long he just told me what was going on in his life and i told him mine and yeah the normal catching up shit. it was weird talking to him again.